The Rocks head on Pokemon is pure nightmare fuel

What if Pokemon had the face of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? 

The inscrutable mind behind the Mypokeprints (opens in new tab) Instagram account recently asked and, unfortunately, answered this question, with results as nightmarish as you’d expect. We can’t bear the burden of this knowledge alone. 

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It’s hard to pick the most terrifying creature among these, the most literal Rock-type Pokemon of all time. Rockmander is arguably the least disturbing since its head and neck have roughly the same silhouette as usual. And while we’ve taken psychic damage from the mere sight of Rockchu, years of parody cartoons and fan art depicting the iconic electric rat as some Hulked-out beefcake has desensitized us to things like this.

On reflection, it’s got to be the Rockvee. Is this what we get after asking for a Rock-type Eeveelution for all those years – the work of some twisted monkey’s paw? That’s about the only explanation we can come up with for this crime against humanity – and Pokemon, for that matter.

The worst (best) part is that these are all complete 3D blueprints ready to be printed via Thingiverse, a hub for all things digitally modeled. There’s even a bonus model for a Rock-Geodude (opens in new tab). It’s possible – likely, even, given the state of this timeline – that they’re being printed as we speak. Somewhere there are printing hobbyists conjuring horrors best unseen from spun plastic. May future historians make sense of the domino effect that started with a young Dwayne Johnson finding fame and led to… this, because we cannot. 

Here’s a much less scarring 3D print: the entire GTA5 map rendered in stunning, tangible detail

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