Behold, pickle: Elden Ring player uses special shoes to give their character a bigger dong

One Elden Ring player has made an important discovery: for reasons known only to FromSoftware, the Old Aristocrat Shoes give your Tarnished a bigger package. 

i_just_found_out_that_the_old_aristocrat_shoes from r/Eldenring

After seeing the above video from – checks notes – Reddit user OldAristocratShoes, we had to confirm these findings for ourselves. Wouldn’t want to blindly fall into aristocrat footwear propaganda. It turns out, this is completely legit. Your character’s junk appears noticeably larger when wearing the Old Aristocratic Shoes. 

A few questions come to mind. Number one: why is this user named after a pair of shoes in Elden Ring? Number two: why do these shoes – or indeed any shoes – affect your character’s body this way?  

We may never be able to answer the first question, but we can take an educated guess at the second. See, unlike most leg armor, the Old Aristocrat Shoes totally expose your character’s bottom half. The full aristocrat fit includes a large gown which covers everything up, but if you take that out of the picture, you get discoveries like this. It’s possible that all leg armor affects this particular body part slider, perhaps to fill out your character’s model and prevent armor from looking unnaturally flat around the groin, and we just don’t see it under all the cloth and metal. 

If you want to try this getup for yourself, you can obtain the Old Aristocrat Shoes and the rest of the set by killing the standard-bearing undead nobles idling around the Lands Between. You can find some just east of the start of the game near the giant-drawn carriage in Limgrave. 

Elsewhere, one Elden Ring player is destroying bosses using only their impressive butt.

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